Four Ways to Build your Resilience for 2021

A former coaching client of mine has just recovered from a brain tumour. Starting a new job, one that took her more than a year to find, she noticed her photo for the company website looked oddly unlike her. Less than four weeks later, she was recovering from an operation that would remove a tennis ball-sized tumour from behind her eye.

Brain tumours, and the subsequent operations to remove them, can cause permanent physical and cognitive impairments which, thankfully, she doesn’t have. So, in this vein, she has recovered in the way that she can return to “normal”.

But when I say she has recovered, I’m referring to the sense that she is incredibly well. She has reacted, or responded, to a surprising and traumatic event in such a way as to bounce back. In fact, she has bounced forward.

Why are some people so resilient? Or, perhaps, the better question isn’t asking why, rather, asking how?

The concept of resilience has been around for hundreds of years, with our more modern understanding starting in the 1950s, when behavioural psychologists began focusing on children and youth and their ability to adapt and thrive despite highly traumatic events. Since that time, multi-disciplinary research into the area has exploded and, with that research, the complexity of resilience has been exposed.

Once thought to be a personality trait, supported by a few positive social constructs, we now know that resilience can be thought of as a system, an incredible network of interactive components that, in varying combinations, can help us thrive and even grow in the face of adversity.

So, what are some of these components and how can we influence them?

1. Build upon what you already have

Research reveals that resilience is not necessarily displayed for all stressors. For many of us, resilience depends on the situation. We can be resilient in the face of job loss, not so resilient with a relationship breakup. Resilience and ineffective coping skills can coexist.

Building your current resilience strength requires an understanding of when you demonstrate it, and when you don’t. Think through a time when you’ve handled a stressful situation well. Then, partner this reflection with an analysis of those times when you were not as resilient. What fears, beliefs, thoughts and feelings dictated your responses? Analysing the differences affords us the opportunity to try and reframe adverse situations and build upon strengths we already have.

2. Use and strengthen your network

Research now shows us that individuals demonstrating resilience in the face of adversity overwhelmingly have a supportive social network and at least one significant emotional connection. It appears that having a strong social-emotional network of people who are empathetic, value us, and show love and understanding is critical to resilience. Deep and meaningful relationships assist us in regulating our emotions and, thus, bettering our ability to respond to stressors.

Studies have shown that even the physical signs of stress, such as an elevated heart rate and increased blood pressure, are reduced when we can experience the adversity with a friend nearby.

3. Exercise your mind in the moment

Mindfulness is the term used to express the practice of purposely and non-judgementally focusing our attention to the present moment. Mindfulness-based interventions are now accepted treatments for a number of mental health issues, mitigating the impacts of stress, burnout, social anxiety and post-traumatic stress amongst others.

Mindfulness and its relationship to resilience is a more recent body of research with promising results: mindfulness practices positively impact on our resilience. The “reverse” is also true: individuals with high levels of resilience tend to be more mindful.

It appears that taking time to calm our minds and experience the present without judgement increases our self-compassion, encourages positive feelings, and better regulates our emotions, greatly improving our ability to deal with setbacks.

Back to my client …

Before her diagnosis, my client showed resilience in the face of an unexpected job loss and, again, in her job search. When she learned of her tumour, she was able to build on her resilience strengths.

She had a great network of people to support her in her job hunt, and our sessions incorporated how to best use this network. On being diagnosed and quickly hospitalised, she reached out to friends and family members. When her husband and children were unable to visit her in the hospital due to COVID restrictions, she invited her friends – many she hadn’t seen in person for months - to take their place.

My client and I incorporated small aspects of mindful behaviour into our coaching sessions, looking at ways to slow down anxious thoughts around the job search and enjoy her being present with her children, her husband and doing other things she loved. These small mindfulness techniques helped regulate her emotions, perhaps preparing her for the unexpected medical crisis.

But, when she and I caught up and I learned of her health ordeal, one other aspect of her response struck me as particularly significant, and is supported by the research. She was grateful.

4. Practice gratitude

Gratitude can be described as being thankful for both the day-to-day and larger things in life, in ourselves and in others that feels good. Research has focused on the self-reported benefits of practicing gratitude, as well as the physical changes in our brains. Practicing gratitude, and the receipt of it, appears to release dopamine and serotonin, both contributors to positive emotions. Gratitude help regulate stress and reduce anxiety and depression. This emotional regulation is a large part of being resilient.

My client was grateful, but not grateful in the somewhat flippant way that gratitude can be presented in mainstream media (“Oh well, could have been worse”!). Rather, she had a set reference point for a specific aspect of her health and, somewhat shockingly, the tumour was better.

How?

Anchoring is a term to describe fixating on a specific piece of information in forming opinions and making decisions. It is a cognitive bias, meaning it is an “error” in our thinking, as fixating on one piece of information can stop us from considering all relevant information. In my client’s case, however, it may have demonstrated its more primitive purpose - survival.

It turns out that all of the women in my client’s immediate family have had cancer. Cancer that, for the majority of them, kills them. Her tumour was benign. And once she learned that, she said “I knew I would be ok. I knew I could get through this, and it was going to be fine”. She did, and it was.

Resilience is complex.

Resilience is perhaps a term to describe both a process of responding to adversity and a recipe of protective factors that can be mixed together in differing quantities and proportions to buffer us from hardship.

What has been included in this article is only a small sample of what makes someone resilient, and the research is ongoing. Other factors include physical health, emotional intelligence, self-efficacy (the belief you can do things), mental toughness, favourable socio-economic conditions and more. Stay tuned to learn more about these areas.

In the meantime: 1) strengthen the resilience you already have, 2) build your social network and quality relationships, 3) engage in mindful practices, and 4) practice gratitude. These four steps can help give you the skills to better deal with challenges as they come.

Janine Joyce

BPsych, MOrgCoach

thinkfrank

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Coaching is a fantastic way to help you achieve your goals, but it is not therapy. If you are feeling overwhelmed to the point where it’s getting in the way of your healthy functioning, seek help from a mental health professional.